An Asian American on “White Math”

I’ve coined a new term—“white math.” It comes out of a response to my critique of Miss Saigon on Opine Season (and here below on my blog) by one Bob Dunning, who writes:

“It’s funny to me that the same people who had a hard time with Jon Pryce in Saigon have no problem with Lea Salonga as a French hooker in Les Mis.”

My reply:

There’s a typical white person, Bob Dunning, who believes that if white people take thousands of things that ought to belong to people of color–as in the entire history of yellow-face representations of Asians in American cinema and stage–then a person of color taking one thing evens it all up.

I call this “white math.”

There are myriad examples of white math:

The setting free of one possibly guilty black man, O.J. Simpson, is a greater outrage than all the race based arrests and false convictions of blacks and Latinos and all the systemic racial imbalances in the justice system.

The average white child gets $700 more paid for their education than the average black or Latino child. The white math equation: White student + $700 = Black/Latino student + 0.

Passing a voter ID law because there were possibly four false votes in Wisconsin is reasonable, even if it ends up disenfranchising a much greater percentage of people of color than white people. Because those four false votes are more important and count more than the thousands of people of color who will not be able to vote because of the law.

Halliburton and its shareholders make billions off a war started on false premises by a former Halliburton executive. That possibly can’t be corruption or welfare or a waste of the taxpayer’s dollars. But Reagan’s single black mother with two kids receiving food stamps of sixty bucks a week? That’s an outrage; that’s government waste. Here, under white math, sixty bucks is “greater than” (remember that old math sign?) several billion.

Whites steal a continent from your people and commit genocide on you, but you Native Americans really need to put that in the past. It’s nothing now. Zero. On the other hand, if you Native Americans want us to change the name of our sports team, that’s infringing upon our rights to free speech. That’s the real crime. A very positive number. After all, some Native Americans don’t mind the name of the Washington team. So in white math, that lesser number overrides the majority of Native Americans who do mind.[1]

According to the Supreme Court, a university can take into account an almost always white applicant being the scion of alumni or of a major donor, that is, someone who’s already had advantages that others don’t have. To admit that person because of those advantages isn’t actually giving the applicant an unfair advantage. But if we take into account how the race of a black or Latino or Native American student may actually have led to their having less advantages and opportunities, that’s clearly giving the POC student an unfair advantage.

Hard to even express the math logic in that one. I think it goes: White Positive Advantage=Zero (or perhaps a negative number). POC lack of advantage=Does not compute (imaginary number?).

A white person and a black person with similar jobs, identical salaries and assets enter a bank and ask for a loan. Statistically the white person will be more likely to receive the loan and at a lower interest than a black person. But white math tells us that these similar jobs, identical salaries and assets only appear so on paper. The equation here is simple: The white dollar is worth more than the black dollar.

White people and black people use marijuana at the same rate. And yet, if a white person uses marijuana he is less likely than a black person to be arrested for the same crime; if arrested, the white person will be less likely to go to trial then the black person; at trial, the white person will be less likely to be convicted; if convicted the average sentence of a white person will be less than the average sentence for blacks. But racism no longer exists; there can’t be any racial bias in our justice system.

So in white math, take one hundred white users and one hundred black users of marijuana. If five of these white users are arrested and ten of the black users are arrested, under white math those percentages must be equal.

I the white person have not experienced and don’t see any evidence of racism in our society. (Of course, the whole point of white racism is that it’s directed at people of color and not white people.) So that settles it. There is no racism in this country. My view overrides and negates a million accounts by people of color who attest that racism still exists in this country. One counts more than a million.[2]

This sort of white math is easy. Just saw Donald Sterling use it the other night when he told Anderson Cooper he Sterling doesn’t see racism as a problem in this country. But then Sterling’s been practicing white math for a long time. Even his tenants of color and the Justice Department know that.

White math–I could go on all day.

So yes, Bob Dunning and all you other white math experts, it is funny. Ha ha. Real funny. Just not in the way you think.


[1] I might be wrong on this; I haven’t done an actual poll. Daniel Snyder, why don’t we just poll all Native Americans and let them decide? You up for that? Didn’t think so. It would be too difficult to get white math into a poll of Native Americans. Unless you treat the Native Americans who agree with you Daniel Snyder under the rules of white math—as honorary white people. Then their votes could count two or three or a million times more than other Native Americans.

[2] For some of you, it may be hard to see the logical fallacy here: If you’ve never seen Beijing, that doesn’t mean Beijing doesn’t exist. Millions of other people can attest to its existence. True, most of them are Chinese. And, granted, under white math…..